Why I’ve deleted Tinder.

Today I deleted Tinder…and Hinge…and Bumble…you get the idea…

Why you ask?! Well..you probably didn't but I am about to tell you anyway.

The last 10 months of my life I have spent addicted to online dating.

So, let's start from the beginning shall we. 
I downloaded all previously mentioned dating apps when I broke up with my ex boyfriend around 10 months ago. We were living together and we just fell out of love, very amicable brake up, no hard feelings, still a good guy. Anyways, I started dating straight away. At this point I wasn't ready for anything serious but was enjoying the ego boost of someone matching with you and the adrenaline of the first date. No pressure.

However, 10 months later I do not feel the same way. I am now looking for something more genuine. And I’ve been on around 50 (maybe slight exaggeration…) first dates and just haven't found anyone to stick around with.

There have been times where I have questioned if its me and if I need to changed and I do not want to feel like that! I see myself as a confident person but countless dating knock backs and seeing all your friends happy with there partners can be pretty soul destroying (disclaimer: obviously not your friends fault and you love them dearly and are very happy for them). I came to the decision that dating apps were doing nothing for my confidence and self esteem any more, if anything they were making me feel worse. I was starting to define myself by how the men I went on dates with felt about me and that is NEVER ok!

I feel as though on every date i’ve been on in recent months I’ve taken on the Manic Pixie Dream Girl role (if you want more info on this just basically watch any Zoe Deschanel Movie) and I’ve tried to be the perfect girl for this certain man. I think in doing this I’ve lost a little bit of myself and slightly forgotten what my actual identity is. Who am I?! 

So, I’ve decided that until I am ready again I am going to be focusing on myself. I feel as though once I love myself again and for lack of better words “find myself” it would be unfair to keep letting myself feel knocked back. Sometimes you just have to take a step back and reevaluate how you're feeling right in this moment and do what is best. I know that finding the ‘love of my life’ is something I really want and something that is important to me but right now it’s not doing anything good for me and I need to focus on making myself truly happy. 

Sorry, I know this post was just a complete brain fart but I really just needed to get it all out! If you made it this far thank you so much for reading and if you want to chat about anything similar then please don't hesitate to get in touch via instagram!

Mad Love! Elle x